Soap is not a condiment
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
