Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize