Capitaan dildo arrescate!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
