bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
