i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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