cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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