Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
