I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
