Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
