I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
