Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
