i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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