how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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