I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
