hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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