I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
