Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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