It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She bit a glass in half.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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