a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
