dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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