He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
