his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize