Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I would ride that face into the sunset
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
