there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize