chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
