conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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