"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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