Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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