Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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