A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
