Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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