i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
