U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
