What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
