Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Of course I have a pirate flag
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
