I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
