oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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