chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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