the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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