last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
