Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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