Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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