Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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