I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
