Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
