somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
