At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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