i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
