pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
