Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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