I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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