3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
