i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
NoShamevember. You game?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
