If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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