I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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