I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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