if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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