Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
