it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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