Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize