Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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