i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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