I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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