a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
