There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
