Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
