So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
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My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
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I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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