if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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