I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
