i think my tv is drunk
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
