I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
