im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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