Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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