She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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