I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
