guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
